What you need to do is get a job.
What you need to do is save your money.
What you need to do is go to church.
What you need to do is find new friends.
We’ve all heard these lines. A lot of us have said them. But here’s the truth.That phrase doesn’t pull a man out of the pit. It pushes him further in.
It sends a message loud and clear:
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You’re not where you should be.”
“You’re the problem, and I’ve got the solution.”
And you know what, this is what he is already thinking to himself.
It feels like correction. Not connection.
It feels like a lecture. Not leadership.
It tells a man who’s already struggling that he’s falling behind in a race he didn’t even sign up for.
Even worse? It gives the speaker a false sense of superiority. You’re talking at the man, not with him. You’re focused on his faults, not his fight. You’re offering commands without context, solutions without listening, steps without strength.
So flip the approach:
Instead of “What you need to do is go to church,” say, “I’d love for us to go to church together.”
Instead of “What you need to do is save your money,” ask, “What’s been the hardest part about managing your money lately?”
Instead of “What you need to do is get a job,” say, “What kind of work would make you feel like you’ve got purpose again?”
I do not like this phrase! come up with something different, use your imagination. When I was at my lowest the last thing I wanted to hear was what I needed to do. If you want to get rid of me, not to come back to you, tell me what I needed to do.
Men don’t need a checklist. They need help and that starts with presence, not pressure.
ALTARed Life Coaching 